We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
