Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
