So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
