what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
