apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
