Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
