Moan for me like Helen Keller
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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