Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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