I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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