Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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