You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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