Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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