apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
is that a dick in a sweater?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
