So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
