you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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