i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
