Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
