His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
