God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am one with the molecules
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
