It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
