He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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