we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
