JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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