the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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