Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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