forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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