first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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