i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
