I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
