I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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