sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
