Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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