All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
