True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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