My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize