You made me cry and you don't even care
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
