Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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