I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
