I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
