Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
