I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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