if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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