Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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