were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
