I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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