How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
