What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
