I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
then he tried to convert me to islam
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
