Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
