I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
