why do cheetos always look like penises
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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