So drunk its hurt
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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