I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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