Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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