I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
