Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Randomize
