Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
