too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He? As in you personified your dick?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
