All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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