Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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