your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
