I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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