I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
