Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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