Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
