Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
