How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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