I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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