I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
