i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
