too bad you live with your parents still
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize