I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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