She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
