Do you still have your period?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
