If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
