ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize