I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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