Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
