Just cropdusted the office
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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